November 21, 2003
SportsTicker: The Bane of My Existence
Question: is there anything worse on the planet than the never-ceasing SportsTicker? Forget steroids or point-shaving, the SportsTicker may be the most evil thing in all of sport. What happened to me tonight has happened to me so many times I cannot remember: there I was, watching the late Sportscenter. Not having seen the Southern Miss-TCU game and completely unaware of the final score, I was finding myself nothing short of enthralled with the highlights. I sat in eager anticipation as TCU made their dramatic comeback, recovering two onside kicks in a row and promptly marching down the field for scores on both. They had cut the lead to 31-28 and I was literally standing on my feet in front of the TV when it suddenly all came crashing down. The ticker flashed the final score right in my face, 40-28 Southern Miss. Don't you think with all of the elaborate crap that's going on behind the scenes at ESPN they could hold that TCU-Southern Miss score until after the highlight? Is it just me, or is it always timed so that the ticker ruins the score for you? I might as well have taped the game, completely avoided finding out the score at every opportunity only to return home and have Uncle Saul tell me the score the moment I walked in the door. Come on, Uncle Saul, are you kidding me? Where's the suspense? Where's the excitement? Worst of all, I suppose, there's seemingly no avoiding the thing anymore. It haunts me wherever I go. I can't tell you how many times I've been called out at dinner in a restaurant or at a bar for gazing anxiously over the left shoulder of the person I'm supposed to be talking to so I can catch the score of some game I don't even care about. It's embarrassing. It's basically the equivalent of staring at a baboon's ass at the zoo just because it's all swollen and red. Okay, I guess baboon's asses are kind of funny, but you get the point. The SportsTicker has to go. -Matt Stroup
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