December 4, 2003
Learning to Drive
Portland Trail Blazer forward Zach Randolph recently became the latest NBA player (it seems like they're always Blazers, though) to get a DUI, an act for which he apologized profusely to teammates, coaches and, most of all, the fans. You know what, Zach? The apology is great and all, but you wouldn't have to worry about apologizing for getting DUIs if you HIRED A FREAKING DRIVER! I mean, is it that hard to figure out? I understand that having a driver tool you around in you nice car might not make you seem like the coolest guy around, but if you're that concerned about people seeing you roll up to the club in your tricked-out Escalade, you could have your driver pull over a block away and switch seats with you so that you can drive up to the club and make your grand entrance yourself. It seems pretty obvious to me: guys who like to have a few drinks and toke up a little reefer after the game (Rasheed and Damon, I'm talking to you also, so listen up) and who have unlimited financial resources should hire somebody to drive their car for them when they are intoxicated. It's as simple as that. Later we'll talk with Tennessee QB Steve McNair about why it's a bad idea to get pulled over with a 0.18 blood alcohol level and a loaded 9 millimeter handgun in your SUV. In the meantime, I've gotta ask Zach: what in the world could you and your teammates be smoking to be dumb enough to make this mistake time and again?
Come to think of it, I'm pretty sure I know the answer to that question already.
-Matt Stroup
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