December 15, 2003
A Mistake Big Enough to Have Horns
I have a problem with gratuitous celebrations in football. My problem is, I can't get enough of them. Weird end zone dances? Choreographed scenes played out after touchdowns? I love them. Last season, when 49ers wide receiver Terrell Owens scored a touchdown and immediately pulled a Sharpie out of his sock to autograph the ball and hand it to someone in the stands, I thought it was brilliant. Obnoxious, yes, but football's supposed to be a spectacle. At its best it's loud, rude and unapologetic.
With that said, I thought Saints wide receiver Joe Horn's celebration last night on national television was a complete disaster. In case you missed it, after catching the second of his four touchdowns, Horn's teammate Michael Lewis reached underneath the goal post and pulled out a cell phone, which he handed to Horn. Horn then proceeded to have what appeared to be a fake conversation on the phone, during which he was no doubt "discussing" what a sweet TD he had just scored.
Horn's celebration was catastrophic for two reasons. The first is that it was just really, really lame. It's one thing to jam a Sharpie into your sock before you leave the locker room, but having clearly gone through the trouble of planting a phone underneath the goal post (what did Horn do, arrive at the stadium early to sneak out to the field when no one was watching?) officially makes Joe Horn a loser. Worse, for some reason, he had to have his teammate Michael Lewis dig it out for him, as if he was too good to get down there and do it himself. Where's Lewis' pride? Couldn't he have told Horn to get the damn phone himself? Did Lewis think it was so funny that he had to be involved? Hey Joe, can I get the phone out from under the post for you?
The other reason Horn's celebration was a disaster, other than the fact that it just wasn't funny, is the fact that it's going to cause the NFL to crack down even more on what they consider "taunting" and "unsportsmanlike conduct." This is a league that now penalizes players for spinning the ball on the ground in the vicinity of an opposing player. That's right, if you want to spin the ball on the ground after a great catch, you've got to do it so that this spinning isn't done in anyone's general direction. Personally, I think that the guys in the NFL are tough enough to handle a little ball spinning here and there, but apparently the suits don't agree. And now, after Horn's truly embarrassing display, they have even more ammo to crack down on celebrating until they have their dream: a game where, beyond the play on the field, everything is as stale as fourteen-day-old melba toast. The worst thing is, Horn's celebration wasn't worth the trouble it will now cause. It would be one thing if he had done something totally transcendental, like Owens did in pulling out the Sharpie, but all Horn did was pull an immature and uncreative prank that essentially just pissed off the principal and will probably cause all the rest of us to lose recess.
I'll tell you one thing: Joe Horn is not being invited to my next birthday party.
-Matt Stroup
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