The Sun Rises at the Half

The Sun Rises at the Half

Watching NBA Hoops at the Break of Day

By Matt Stroup

10/30/03

I awaken with a start. Where am I? For that matter, who am I? And what in the blazes is that beeping noise? From somewhere through the fog, I hear my girlfriend say, "Matt, it's 5:30." Matt? Who is that? I think that's me. Right, I'm Matt. That makes sense. Why, though, is my alarm going off at 5:30? I sit for a moment preparing to turn my alarm off and go back to sleep. Then, at once, it all comes clear, and I spring out of bed.

After staying up late the night before to watch the entirety of LeBron James' NBA debut (which, for the record, was well worth it), I had climbed into bed at 1:40 a.m. completely exhausted and slightly burned out on hoops for one night. Before going off to sleep, however, I set my alarm for 5:30 a.m., officially marking my transcendence from Very Serious NBA Fan to Without a Doubt Having a Problem. You see, less than four hours from the time I was going to sleep, I was going to force myself out of bed to watch the Clippers play the Sonics, live from Japan. I think the last time I was awake at 5:30 was the day of my birth. On that day, I "woke up" around 1:30 a.m. and, if I do recollect correctly, I was not happy about being up so early in the morning.

If anything could wake me up, though, it was the novelty of watching an NBA game live at 5:30 a.m., especially what promised to be a highly entertaining match-up between the Clippers and the Sonics, two young and exciting up-tempo teams.

At least that's what I told myself. Addicts, as you probably know, will find a way to justify any behavior, no matter how bizarre it may be.

Since I made the effort to wake up, the least you can do now is come along and join me as I take you through a blow-by-blow account of what transpired as I saw the sun rise with an exquisite backdrop of NBA basketball from Tokyo, Japan.

5:37 a.m. It's freezing cold, I'm tired and I'm confused. Adding to my disorientation is the fact that a Sumo wrestler is currently singing our national anthem and looks like he just digested Danny DeVito.

5:39 a.m. As the public address announcer introduces the starting lineups for both teams in impeccable English, the crowd appears to be virtually as confused as I am right now.

5:41 a.m. Hey, there's Officer Olden Polynice, clad in a slick-looking gray suit. He must be impersonating a Secret Service agent today. I wonder if he had trouble getting his gun and badge through airport security...

5:42 a.m. As the tip-off is taking place, it briefly crosses my mind that I could be the only person in the continental United States watching NBA TV at this moment.

5:43 a.m. We're only moments into the action, but the game has already gotten off to a ragged start. It looks like the altitude in Japan is seriously affecting the players. (Note: is the altitude in Japan even a factor, or did I make that up?)

5:44 a.m. The crowd looks absolutely crestfallen. Did anyone explain to them that they were going to be seeing NBA basketball today? I think they might have been expecting Sumo.

5:45 a.m. With his new haircut, Sonics' forward Vladimir Radmanovic looks quite a bit like Jim, the protagonist in 28 Days Later. The logical thing to do here would be to insert a joke about zombies and then make a comment about how I feel like a zombie because I'm so tired, but I'm not going to stoop to that level just yet.

5:46 a.m. Elton Brand just hit 2 free throws, during which time I learned through an on-screen graphic almost entirely in Japanese that he was "203 cm." Is this meant to represent his height, or something else? Is this a measurement for a new suit?

5:52 a.m. Holy crow! ESPN.com tells me that the Red Sox placed Manny Ramirez on "irrevocable waivers." Apparently they're trying to trick someone into taking on his contract. I wonder which GM they're expecting to take the bait on that one...

5:55 a.m. Being that the announcers are speaking the English language, don't you think we could have the graphics and statistics in English too? I don't think that's really an unreasonable request. We can keep the centimeters thing, but it's really hard for me to read the Japanese characters. Thanks!

6:01 a.m. Former Gonzaga star Richie Frahm has entered the game. Has Gonzaga produced one good NBA player other than John Stockton?

6:04 a.m. Sonics' rookie point guard Like Ridnour is a wildman. Despite the fact that he has the physique of Mitch Kramer in Dazed and Confused, he's absolutely fearless. He just hit a bizarre fall-away where he didn't jump, and he did it over about three people. Count it, and one. A friend of mine recently referred to Ridnour as "Jason Williams II" (Memphis edition). I can see the similarities for sure, although Ridnour's jumper seems to be more erratic, which is about as scathing a criticism as you can possibly make about someone's jump shot. Sorry, Luke.

6:07 a.m. Clippers' guard Eddie House, or "E. House," according to witty color commentator Billy McKinney, buries a jumper at the end of the first quarter. Sonics 20, Clippers 17.

6:13 a.m. House just buried a trey, prompting McKinney to quip, "E. House is in the house."

6:14 a.m. Clippers' big man Peja Drobjnak checks into the game, looking like he was just interrupted from devouring raw human flesh on the sideline. He looks hungry for more.

6:15 a.m. Clips' rookie center Chris Kaman just picked up his third foul. Wang Zhi Zhi honestly looks like he's about to cry for fear that he might have to go in and play.

6:18 a.m. Wait just a second. We just came back from a commercial break, and suddenly there are Japanese men calling the game, in Japanese. What is going on here? What manner of folly is this?

6:19 a.m. Without explanation as to why the announcing booth had been temporarily hijacked, the regular announcers (Kevin Calabro and McKinney) are back.

6:22 a.m. After a slashing lay-up, Sonics' guard Brent Barry, who apparently shares the same barber as Yankees' third baseman Aaron Boone, has 15 points Sonics 36, Clippers 34, midway through the second quarter.

6:25 a.m. Shot clock violation on the Sonics, followed immediately by a wind-breaking violation on yours truly.

6:38 a.m. The halftime horn nearly causes my pacemaker to short circuit as I'm interrupted from a semi-comatose trance. The last 13 minutes of my life have been a total void. Apparently it's Sonics 44, Clippers 42 at the half.

6:43 a.m. They're airing some b-reel footage of Clippers' players cruising around Tokyo, and they just showed Quentin Richardson in a gift shop wearing an Uma Thurman-esque yellow jumpsuit, cheerfully saying "konichiwa!" to the store clerk and getting no response. Later, while walking down the streets at night, Richardson quips, and I do believe I'm directly quoting him here: "They technology games is impeccable."

6:46 a.m. Hey look, David Stern made the trip! Do you think David Stern, like Saddam Hussein, has likenesses of himself that he sends out to make public appearances and travel to Tokyo for exhibition games? Probably not.

6:58 a.m. We're back in action, early in the 3rd quarter, and both teams are heating up, combining to hit 5 straight long jumpers. McKinney just said, "We might need to call the fire department." (Note: I think he means that it's getting hot in the building, i.e. the players are warming up. I'll explain later, but in the meantime, can we have the Japanese announcers back?).

7:11 a.m. I just spaced out again while the Sonics were busting this game wide open. It's now 77-59 Sonics, as the Clippers are turning the ball over like mad.

7:12 a.m. Quentin Richardson just dunked all over Luke Ridnour's head and then did the antennas thing before throwing the ball away in disgust and getting a delay of game warning for doing so. Do you think Darius Miles is dancing around his living room right now sending the antennas signal back to Quentin?

7:13 a.m. I think that the Tracy Morgan-Ben Wallace ESPN Basketball ad gets better each time I see it. It's really only a matter of time before Tracy Morgan makes a really bad movie that inexplicably joins my DVD collection only to become nothing more than a conversation piece.

Oh, my God. You own that movie?

Yeah, it really sucks.

7:18 a.m. Ridnour just slightly redeemed himself from the embarrassment of being dunked upon, blowing past Eddie House for a wild running right handed hook over Elton Brand, off glass and in. 82-67 Sonics, under a minute left in the third.

7:23 a.m. Sonics' forward Ansu Sesay just bricked a dunk out to half court and out of bounds. McKinney says, "Whooo! That was filthy." I think he meant filthy in a different way than I was thinking.

7:24 a.m. McKinney's prophecy from earlier was true. E. House truly is "in the house." His 18th and 19th points bring the Clippers within nine.

7:34 a.m. The Clippers are within seven points now. It's 90-83 with just over six minutes left. The Sonics call timeout as Brent Barry loses his left shoe.

7:39 a.m. Corey Maggette's 4th three of the game makes it 97-91 Sonics. I think I'll eat some bacon when this game is over.

7:42 a.m. The camera just panned to someone in the crowd holding a Japanimation style poster of Corey Maggette's disembodied head.

7:43 a.m. Throw out the scouting report on Sonics' guard Ronald "Flip" Murray, starting in place of Ray Allen. He's carrying the Sonics with 24 points. It's now 104-95 Sonics, under two minutes to play.

7:44 a.m. An Eddie House three and a Corey Maggette fast-break dunk make it 104-100, 56 seconds to play.

7:45 a.m. Promptly, the Clippers' defense opens like the castle gates, allowing Calvin Booth to streak down the lane for his third tomahawk dunk of the game. 106-100 Sonics, less than 30 seconds to play. Mike Dunleavy looks angry.

7:53 a.m. Quentin Richardson's last second 3 is off, and that's a final. 109-100 Sonics. What time is it? That's right. Time to go look at the box score...

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